so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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