There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
