I seem to have left my pride at pride
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
