she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
