my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
