have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
