For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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