I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
