The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
