Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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