Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
