Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
