Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
