High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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