Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
