It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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