Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
