If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
