so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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