Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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