like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think my moral compass just broke
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
