im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
3pm strippers are depressing
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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