dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
