after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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