She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
