the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
