i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
