Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
