you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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