Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I want her autograph on my taint
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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