i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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