What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
