I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
