so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
