I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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