I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
