I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
