Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
