I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
