i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
