He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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