Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
