I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You pole danced in your parka.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
