My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
