Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
