New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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