No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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