Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
