Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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