i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
