ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
