Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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