My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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