if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
