Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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