I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
