Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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