i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
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He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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