thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
