i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
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