Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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