just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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