I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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